


in the still of the night

by chaotic_carisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:01:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28289589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi
Summary: In all honesty, Mike would take the cold conversations over the truth any day. Admitting to being in love with Sonny Carisi might just be the last thing he does.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Mike Dodds
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	in the still of the night

"Carisi, you go with the sergeant on the stakeout."

Mike looked up as the lieutenant spoke, hoping his face didn't display the dread he felt inside. He glanced across the room to where Carisi sat, arms folded and brow furrowed. 

Of all the people, Mike thought to himself, of course he got stuck with Carisi. There were a million other ways Mike would've rather spent Christmas Eve. 

Apparently they were thinking the same thing as Carisi decided to speak up.

"On Christmas Eve? Really Lieu?" Carisi's voice cut through the room, and echoed through Mike's ears long after they stopped talking. 

Mike spoke up before he even had a chance to think about the words leaving his mouth. 

"If you have somewhere better to be, Carisi, I'm sure I'll be able to find someone else to join me." 

The words were harsher than he meant, and the hurt etched all over Carisi's face only made him feel even more guilty. 

"It's fine." They muttered, bright eyes boring a hole into a spot on the ceiling as they avoided looking back across to Mike. 

Mike sighed. How would they cope in a car for 3 hours if they couldn't even be civil in the precinct. 

In all honesty, Mike would take the cold conversations over the truth any day. Admitting to being in love with Sonny Carisi might just be the last thing he does. 

-

“I’m sorry.” Mike broke the silence as the elevator doors slid shut. “I didn’t mean to sound-”

Carisi cut him off before he could finish. 

“It’s fine, sarge. Why would you want to spend Christmas Eve with me anyway, I’m sure you’d rather spend it with your fiancee.” They turned to face Mike, a smile on their face that couldn’t quite hide the pain in their eyes. 

Mike dropped his gaze to the floor, somehow feeling worse. He hadn’t told anyone that the engagement was over, or that Alice had left the city for good. 

“Yeah, sure.” It was easier to lie about now. He’d tell the truth eventually, or, the truth would be found out. 

Back to silence. 

The silence followed them as they left the precinct, squinting as the harsh winter sun blinded them. Mike glanced down the busy street, wondering to himself why it didn’t feel like Christmas yet. The only clue to it even being winter was the snow on the sidewalk, pushed against the wall after last night's downfall. 

“We don’t have to go now, do we? It’s just,I have some stuff to do first.” Carisi asked, hands tucked in their pockets as they turned towards Mike, who shrugged. 

“There’s no rush. I can pick you up when i need you, if that works for you?” Mike glanced down at his watch. He could drive around for a while, clear his head, maybe even do some paperwork. 

“Do you have a piece of paper? I’ll give you my address.” Mike quickly checked his pockets, shaking his head as Carisi pulled out a pen. “Okay, well, what about your hand?”

“My hand?” 

“Yeah, I'll write it on your hand,” They grinned as Mike glanced down at his hand, then shrugged again, before holding it out to Carisi. “It might tickle, okay? Just hold still.”

Mike felt himself stiffen as Carisi took his hand and began to write their address on his palm. They were right, it did tickle. Mike began to worry that his hand was sweaty, or that he might move and make Carisi smudge the writing. He should probably say something, but all Mike could think about was the way Carisi’s fingers felt against his hand. 

It only took seconds for Carisi to write their address, but it felt like a lot longer to Mike. 

“Here, you can breathe now.” Carisi said as they let go of Mike’s hand. Mike hadn’t realised he had been holding his breath, he could only think about the feeling of another hand on his own. He looked down at the address on his hand, almost shivering as he took his first breath of the icy air, then up at Carisi. “I’ll see you later then.” They said, before turning and walking down the street, waving to Mike without even turning around. 

Mike sighed and let his shoulders drop as he glanced back down at his hand. 

Pathetic, he thought, wondering why he let it bother him so much. Then he remembered, or more accurately, couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched him in such a way, in such a simple way. It had been a long time since Mike Dodds had been held, and an even longer time since he let himself feel vulnerable like that. 

Sighing once more, Mike turned and walked the opposite way up the street to the car they’d be using for the precinct. 

-

Mike squinted at his hand then back up at the street signs as he drove, wishing he could go back 10 minutes before he wiped his hand on his trouser leg. He looked at the smudged address on his hand once more then looked up, letting out a sigh of relief as he noticed Carisi leaving his flat. Mike pulled over as they almost slid down the steps and got into the passenger seat. 

“What’s that?” Mike pointed to the bag in Carisi’s hand as he began to drive again. 

“Its supplies.” They replied, grinning again. Mike had to force the smile that was growing on his own face into a frown. 

“Supplies? What kind of supplies?” 

“Just snacks, hot chocolate, those kind of supplies. That alright?” Mike could see Carisi watching him out of the corner of his eye, but not well enough to guess what they were thinking. 

“Sure.” 

The silence that seemed to follow Carisi and Dodds returned once more, almost suffocating the pair as they drove to where they had to be. It didn’t take long for them to arrive, true silence engulfing them as Mike turned the engine off. 

“So, now we wait.” Carisi said, loosening their tie. 

“Now we wait.” Mike repeated, hoping it wouldn’t take too long. 

Mike would’ve been more than happy to wait in silence, but Carisi clearly couldn’t stay quiet for long. 

“You got plans for tomorrow?” They asked, reaching into the bag and pulling out a flask. 

Mike shook his head, watching as Carisi poured two cups of hot chocolate. “You?” He asked out of politeness as Carisi handed him a cup. 

“Nah,” They took a drink from their own cup before continuing. “We used to celebrate on Christmas eve, instead of the day itself, so it's usually just a day off.”

“You didn’t have to come tonight, you know? If you wanted to stay home, it would’ve been fine. I’m sure Fin or Rollins would’ve covered for you.” 

“I said ‘used to’ Sarge, if i wasn’t here, i’d just be watching some terrible rom-com and feeling sorry for myself.” Mike watched as Carisi squeezed their cup lightly, letting the liquid threaten to pour over the edge before releasing it again. “I’ve not done anything for christmas since Raf left.” 

It was common knowledge that Carisi had been dating the former ADA, Rafael Barba, until Barba left, that is. It had been sudden and tough, especially on Carisi, who never seemed to recover fully. 

Mike could’ve kicked himself. “I’m sorry, Carisi, I didn’t think.”

“That’s alright, it’s in the past. He left, and now I spend Christmas alone.”

Maybe it was the pain on their face, or the guilt Mike felt for bringing it up, but he felt he owed something to Carisi. After all, he knew what it was like to be alone. 

“I’m not engaged anymore.” He said it. The words were out. He focused on a drop of water running down the windshield as he spoke. “Alice left, she moved back home, and so i’m alone for christmas this year. It was my fault, of course, so i can’t really blame Alice. She deserved better.”

“I don’t think that's true, Sarge. I doubt it was really your fault.” There was a softness in Carisi’s voice that calmed Mike, and somehow made him want to keep talking. 

“Well, between the nightmares and being gay, it was definitley my fault.” 

Shit. 

It was out now.

He was out now. 

He hadn't meant to say it, but now that it was out, he felt lighter somehow. 

"That still doesn't make it your fault."

Mike didn't say anything, not trusting himself to talk without his voice breaking. 

"Do you, maybe, want to spend Christmas with me?" They asked, and Mike turned to look at Carisi, who was staring at their hands. "Of course, you don't have to if you don't want to, I just thought, seeing as we're both alone. I'm sorry, it was a stupid idea."

"No, that sounds nice. Thanks Carisi."

Carisi looked up and Mike felt his cheeks burning as the pair locked eyes. 

Before he could think about it, Mike leaned across and kissed Carisi, his hand automatically reaching round and finding the back of his neck. He felt Carisi kiss back as their hand found Mike's knee. 

Mike almost forgot why they were in the car, until they heard the gunshot. 

Without thinking, Mike jumped back, reaching for his own gun as he got out the car. He heard Carisi following him as he ducked behind a car, glancing over the trunk to get a better look. 

"Is that him?" He heard Carisi whisper. He nodded, already knowing it was the suspect. 

"Stay here." He whispered before turning and running up the street, hidden by the cars. He stopped, panting, behind the last car on the street and took a deep breath before straightening up and stepping out in front of the suspect. 

"Drop the weapon!" He shouted, his own gun raised in front of him. "Hurry up, Drop-" 

Another gunshot. 

A shout. Did Mike shout? No, it was someone else, someone further away. 

Carisi. 

Time slowed down as Mike felt his knees give out beneath him. 

Before his head hit the ground, he heard another gunshot, followed by another yell. This time it was his name. The last thing he felt was a hand under his chin and a voice shouting something he couldn't quite make out. 

-

It was dark when Mike woke up but he could already tell he was in a hospital bed. Groaning, he turned to look around the room, trying to find a sign of why he was there. 

As he glanced around, he realised he wasn't alone. There was someone else in the room with him. He froze, watching the faint outline of the person in the chair beside him, only to realise they were asleep. He squinted, trying to figure out who on earth would be here with him and realised quickly that it was Carisi. 

Something inside him softened as he watched Carisi sleep, gently snoring as they slumped over the chair. 

As quietly as possible, Mike tried to sit up but he couldn't contain the groan that escaped as he felt the shooting pain in his side. 

"Take it easy." Carisi stood up and turned on the lamp on the bedside table as they helped Mike sit up. "Here, you should probably drink something." They said, pouring a glass of water for him. 

"You don't have to be here, Carisi." Mike said, his throat dry before taking a drink. 

"I didn't want to leave you alone on Christmas." They said, and Mike noticed the red creeping over their cheeks. 

"It's Christmas day?" Carisi nodded. "You didn't have to stay." He repeated. 

"I didn't want you to be alone. People shouldn't be alone at Christmas." They reached down, taking Mike's hand in their own. 

Mike didn't know what to say. "Thanks Carisi." He muttered, avoiding looking up at them. 

"I think, maybe, you should call me Sonny." They pulled the seat closer to Mike's bed and sat down again, still holding Mike's hand. "Try and get some rest." 

"Alright… Sonny." Mike leaned back, closing his eyes. "Merry Christmas, Sonny. Thank you for staying with me."

Sonny leaned over and kissed Mike's forehead gently, before leaning back again. "Merry Christmas Mike."


End file.
